In my life, I have yet to learn a truth. Did you know that? Does it scare you as much as it scares me?
On days like today I want to shake somebody. I want to scream. I want someone to listen, not laugh and tell me that my distrust is unfounded. Don't you get it? There's a different story every channel I flip. I don't know whether to think defense or terrorism or accident or make-believe. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. Maybe I should just stand and stare? That's more effective anyway.
This morning, I stood in procession to honor those who have fallen. Did they understand what they were fighting for? Would it have mattered?
I missed out on something. I've been so busy growing up. I have piles of cutouts- newspaper articles and plastered smiles and laundry list accolades. I'm the kid who doesn't have to introduce herself, who's supposed to do great things, whose grandmother answers the phone with a "What else have you won?" Has she considered that sometimes maybe I call just to hear her... that maybe sometimes I just need a hello?
It scares me. I'm living days I can't take back. I'm leaving days I can't take back.
I'm not ready.
