Objectivism

New York City, you are learning to excite me again. I'm falling in love with Metro bus rides and the spark of the street, though close to dawn, with the feel of your pavement beneath my feet as my pitter meets your patter. I'm falling into your easy confidence, thinking maybe I can borrow some for myself. Maybes don't seem as distant anymore.

I hear the sound of breathing beyond my wall.

I like the feeling of being alive.

Westward

It's raining in the city. We're huddling in raincoats instead of opening our arms, and the fog of the day has hidden my skyline in the distance.

I miss the view of skyscrapers that remind me of what there is to achieve, how high there is to climb. I miss meeting eyes with the Empire State.

We Are One

I said a few too many goodbyes a few too many hours ago. I've started feeling dependent again. I know it's right, but that doesn't make it easy. I know it means I care.

I am stronger than my fears.

I promise to show you that.

I

He uncovered me. In one glance he knew... not my secrets, but that I had them. In one glance he was begging for entry, entreating, asking me to help him understand. I let him watch my teardrops fall. I stood staring, wondering how this simple faith could hurt so much, how having someone care could leave me frozen. I stood staring, my eyes pleading... isn't this naked enough?

The mask I've worn is defrosting. There's no relief, only terror. This is not how it's supposed to feel.

And it scares me.

I scare me.

What do I do when no expectations is asking too much? What do I say when the solitude I've been cultivating threatens to overwhelm me, but for all the wrong reasons? What do I say when I don't know how to let go, but there's nothing to hold onto?

With nothing to hide behind, I am not sure who I am, and I'm losing the courage I thought I had. Can you stand beside me? Not judge, just watch, maybe lend a hand... because I need to take one, even when I say I don't, even when I wish I didn't.

Will you hold me?

It feels like an unveiling, except that I'm alive.